"You are NOT broken."

That's how Dr. Jay Huber started his spiel during our initial consultation. Whoa. I hear ya, Doc, and thank you for seeing me. Like really SEEING me. I have felt every bit broken for 6+ years now. While we've had a consult with a fertility specialist before, hearing these words felt good for my soul. It's one thing for friends and family to tell me that I'm not broken. It's a completely different thing to hear this, uncoerced, from your doctor. Trust me, I get it. In the grand scheme of things, I know I'm not broken. However, I also know how extremely frustrating it is to follow the rules; do everything you're supposed to do; and still can't get pregnant. It's illogical. 1 + 1 = 2. Unless you have fertility issues, then it doesn't equal anything and no one can explain it. Fan-freaking-tastic.

We talked about all things treatment related. We came up with a new(er) game plan. We laughed a bit. I cried a bit. All in all, it was a really good meeting. One where I left feeling emotional, yet peaceful.

So here it is, our newest game plan:

January: lab work
February: lab work, oral meds, possibly injectables (pending January lab work numbers), and IUI
March: reevaluate, if needed

Again, insert ALL the emotions. What I’m feeling right now is, honestly, too big for me to process. I’m every bit excited as I am scared. I’m optimistic and extremely pessimistic treatment will even work. I’m hopeful, unprepared, anxious, & nervous. And oddly calm. Does that mean I’m in the right place? Let's hope so.

Next step: joyfully waiting for my lab work results.