I know I’ve been quiet the past few months. After Round 2 failed, we took a little break from IVF. I would say it’s been a nice break, but honestly, I’ve been overwhelmed lately.

Maybe it’s because I’m fresh out of my busy season at work. Or maybe because of the holidays (who doesn’t get overwhelmed this time of year?!). But I think it’s because we’ve started the prep work for our third [and final] round of IVF.

Yep. Final. Round. The fertility loan we originally took out only covered 3 rounds - minus medications. Each round runs about $10,000. The meds alone cost between $4,000 - $6,000. We just don’t have another $15k floating around for a 4th round. Thankfully, we were blessed by TWO angels that donated almost HALF of the meds that I need for Round 3. This dropped our cost down to just over $2,000, which made that bill sting a little less. It’s more than the financial side of IVF, though. I don’t have the emotional capacity to go through another round. I barely have enough for this round. I think that’s why I feel so overwhelmed.

Our first round worked. We got pregnant. Our little baby girl was nestled in & baking. But God had other plans for her. Our second round was over before it even really began. What happens if our third round is a repeat of Round 1? Or even Round 2? What if it doesn’t work? What if we have another miscarriage? What if we’re left empty-handed at the end of this?

On top of all of that, Baby Girl’s original due date is rapidly approaching. In fact, our next retrieval could potentially fall on the same. exact. day. I’ve got mixed feelings about this. #Ughhh I’m really just hoping Baby Girl helps us get lots & lots of healthy, mature eggs.

Oral meds for Round 3 started last week. Shots will probably start sometime next week. Then retrieval [extraction]. Then another waiting game of holding our breath, crossing our fingers, hoping, & praying. We’ll send our embryos off to be tested. When those results come back, we’ll schedule our next transfer - ideally, transferring TWO embryos this go-round.

I’m trying to find healthy outlets to process all my feelings. My normal go-to’s are running and the gym. Both of which are about to be sidelined once shots start, which just makes me overwhelmed again. It’s such a vicious cycle. Walking helps, but it’s not as therapeutic as running or the gym. It’s also the ONLY exercise allowed so I stay pretty bitter while walking. Ha! Cross Stitching and puzzles have been some safe fallback options. Anyone want to order a stitched house? Shameless plug: I can do either a 4” ornament ($50) or a framed 5x7 ($75). I’m tempted to add a “shop” to this site. Maybe one day. But seriously - who wants to see their house in stitch form?!

I’m trying to stay positive as we enter Round 3. I promise, I am. But I won’t sugarcoat how jaded this journey has made me. I know it’s possible that we could walk away from this journey without a baby. But I’m really hoping that’s not the case…