Hey Y’all!

When Kirk and I got married back in 2012, we never would have imagined just how long and painful the road to parenthood would be. The first few years of marriage, we tried to conceive naturally. That didn’t work. In 2014, we started a few medications. That made me crazy… and didn’t work. Then we ran tests & had blood work done, which led to more tests - and even more blood work. Still, nothing. Everything was “normal”. All our stats were “in range”. There was no medical explanation as to why we couldn’t get pregnant. Sigh…

Insert: depression and sadness. I was completely ashamed that I had unexplained infertility. The Bible tells us to go & multiply. Why, then, could I not do that very thing? I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want the pity looks or the unsolicited (and terrible) advice. I didn’t want people to feel sorry for me. Frankly, I was doing a pretty good job of that all on my own. I completely shut down any conversation about having a family. I didn’t tell our parents. I didn’t tell our friends. In fact, it took me a very, VERY long time to come to grips with it enough to finally tell my besties.

In June 2018, feeling defeated, I agreed to make an appointment with a fertility specialist. As silly as it sounds, I felt like I was giving up by seeking help. Kirk and I were given all our options and the costs associated with each one. I knew fertility treatments were expensive, but geez louise! Seeing it in writing stung a bit more than expected. Then life happened. We continued to drag our feet for one reason or another and never actually started our latest game plan.

In August 2019, we set up a new savings account specifically for “baby making magic” and agreed that we would start treatment in May 2020. This would give us enough time to save up for a least 3 months of treatment. As we made it through the holidays, everything was on track. Until January 2, 2020. Kirk was involved in a work accident that sidelined our game plan. (Note: He’s doing MUCH better; even though he is still on the mend.) I had to dip into our baby making magic fund to make sure bills were paid. Who am I kidding? I didn’t just dip; I depleted. Not to mention, the entire world shut down due to a global pandemic. Oh 2020, I see you and you are so NOT cute. Once again, we found ourselves completely off course. First step: get Kirk back to work. Check! Next step: pick a new start date. Hello January 2021!!!

So here we are today. We have an appointment with a new fertility specialist on January 13th. And I have a new blog. (Hey y’all!) Talking about my failure as a female is still tough, as is admitting we need help. I started this blog for a few reasons. The first was to be able to process ALLLLLLL my emotions and feelings. Another reason was so I could “talk” about it with those who love us without having to physically talk about it. Plus, having documentation of our journey is an added bonus. Don’t get me wrong, if you decide to chat IRL with me about our journey, that’s totally cool. Just don’t be surprised if tears are involved.

Feel free to stick around as we venture into our next chapter of life; one where we are joyfully waiting for the ending.