Hulk Sized Expectations

Hasbro WWF action figures…. If you were a boy in 1991 and this was not on your Christmas list, I have to wonder what you were doing with your life!! I was 7 years old and the only thing that could make my life complete was a set of action figures and the wrestling ring that came with the collection. Santa must not have been keeping track very well because I actually got what I asked for that year. I got the ring and 4 action figures; “Million Dollar Man” Ted Dibase, Brutus “The Barber” Beefcake, The Ultimate Warrior, and of course the most important “Mr. America” Hulk Hogan!! I played with these figures for every second of 6 hours or so. Then I realized action figures were not really my thing. I’d seen those commercials all year long and thought to myself that I did not even know what fun was unless I could get my chubby little hands on those action figures. I set my expectations so high that the only way they could have fulfilled my expectations was if the Hogan figure came to life and taught me how to do and atomic leg drop on my sisters. Then as fate would have it, I had a friend over a few weeks later. When he saw my action figures, he went crazy and could not believe how lucky I was. He wanted those figurines, too, but didn’t get any. Yet, here I was, sitting on this goldmine. It was not until that encounter that I appreciated those action figures, and I actually played with them more often. It is funny how that happens. My perspective alone was that of disappointment, but only when someone else saw value did my perspective change. Pretty profound discovery for a 7-year-old.

That 7-year-old could have taught this 30-something-year-old a few things going into IVF. I have heard it was emotionally, spiritually, financially, and relationally difficult, but Kaley and I are the Superbowl champs of marriage, so I thought we were unshakable. I expected some tears and with Kaley having had some adverse experiences with fertility drugs in the other phases of infertility, I knew there would be some tough days and awkward moments. I tell you what though, IVF just hits different. No one tells you that you must navigate being happy for family and friends who are pregnant, all the while it is ripping your soul out that it is not your good fortune. I never expected holding back tears when I hold my nieces and nephews because while I love them whole heartedly, there is a hole in that heart that has yet to be filled. When we finally started actual IVF, I thought that we would absolutely crush every step of the process unphased and be awaiting baby Fabre before the ball dropped on 2022. That was my expectation. Now we are both dealing with a fair amount of disappointment in where we are now, mostly due to inflated expectations.

So where are we? Well, I don’t know what stuff is called so I typically use sports and action movie terms so bear with me. Kaley has done beaucoup drugs as you can tell from the blog videos, and we did the egg extraction. I was a nervous wreck when Kaley went in for the procedure, but the doctor came out and said we had 12 EGGS and Kaley was a superstar!!! By the end of the day the number was down to 10, but Dr. Huber said we were way above and beyond what he expected. So now in my mind I think we have 10 embryos and we fixing to get knocked up!!! Even after Dr. Huber explained that Mother Nature is going to “take her cut” as he puts it, I still realistically thought we would have 6 or 7 embryos. Then we got the news that after the fertilization and incubation period, only 3 embryos were biopsied. Last week we got the call, that after biopsies, we have 3 embryos in cryo. I felt like that 7-year-old looking at that Hulkster action figure as I closed the lid on the toy bin, totally deflated. How can it be only 3?! We had 12, then 10 and now 3!! Kaley was at a work function when she got that call and when she texted me, I could feel her breaking down in a text message. You know it is serious when a straightforward text message makes you feel sorrow. I could not wrap my head around it, so I called Dr. Huber, who had given me his personal cell phone number. He like my friend in 1991, changed by perspective. He told me 3 is a great number. He told me for the sake of quality, we have two Heisman trophy winner embryos and the third one is like a D-2 transfer. Dr. Huber has a way of explaining things so that I understand them. He told me we are extremely fortunate that our outcome is 3, because so many of his patients would be over the moon to get just one with their own genetic material. Here we are sitting on this goldmine. That was so much of what we needed to hear. I even felt a tinge of shame for being so selfish. Truth be told I hate that I feel this way but there is still a fair amount of disappointment and doubt. I think we just have gotten so used to disappointment that we are having trouble seeing the win here at the end of the day. So next thing up, we do the infiltration in February. We could do January, but Kaley and I have a trip booked to Cabo San Lucas that month and since 2020 and 2021 have been dumpster fires, we are taking that trip and decompressing before we take this next big step.

Y’all please keep praying us up and encouraging us. I really don’t think you all understand what a difference that makes for us.

Love and Peace
- Kirk

Hey y’all. Kaley here...

I wanted to add a little tidbit, medically speaking, of where we are on this journey. Don’t get me wrong. I absolutely LOVE Kirk’s version. He has a way of explaining things, so they don’t sound so scary. I honestly don’t think he realizes how much his version helps calm me. Infertility is overwhelming to say the least. Kirk’s description adds a little bit of laughter to a journey that doesn’t have much of that. So. Here’s a quick recap of our first round of IVF:

On November 28th, we had our first egg retrieval:

12 eggs retrieved
10 eggs matured
8 eggs fertilized
3 eggs biopsied
2 eggs PGT-A Normal
1 egg low-level mosaic

What does all that mean? Well. A lot. We decided to do preimplantation genetic testing for aneuploidies on our fertilized embryos (PGT-A). Doing this, meant that we would know which, if any, embryos would be viable for pregnancy. Of the 3 biopsied, 2 came back normal. These are the Heisman Trophy winners Kirk talks about above. The 3rd embryo is what is considered a low-level mosaic embryo. This means that it does have some abnormalities, so scientifically, it can’t be considered a “normal” embryo. However, Dr. Huber made it a point to say that he has made babies from these type of embryos before and his recommendation is to still use this embryo. What this also means is that these types of embryos have a higher risk of miscarry. The plan is to use our Heisman guys first, then if needed, our mosaic guy (or D-2 Transfer).

Side note: I’m saying “guy” here and while the clinic knows the gender of all 3 embryos, we do not. Sorry y’all. No gender reveal parties for us. Infertility has taken SO much from me, but I refuse to let it take away the greatest surprise there is. We will not be finding out the gender; nor sharing our choice of names until Baby Fabre eventually makes his/her debut – whenever that may be.

Transfer meds have been ordered and should arrived this week. For now, we joyfully wait for January to start the next round of meds. Our transfer will be sometime in late January/early February – after we’re back from Cabo. 😉