Mother’s Day

Our recently departed black lab, Remy was an incredible fur baby. He used to chase ALL the squirrels that dared to touchdown anywhere near him. I used to say all the time that he was not going to know what on Earth to do with himself if he ever caught one. Well, he was fat and slow so he never did, but if he had caught one the ensuing bewilderment, is kind of how I feel sometimes now that Campbell is here. The funny thing about having dreams is that when they come true, sometimes it can be hard to figure out how to live within that reality. This is where we are sometimes as a family unit in the Fabre household. I am so proud of Kaley for putting herself out there in her last post talking about her postpartum depression. It takes an absolute warrior of a person to stand there and be vulnerable in front of EVERYONE YOU KNOW!! Because she is so strong I feel like I can share my experience, too. I, too, have dealt with some depression since his arrival. Three main reasons: I have no idea how to be a dad, I am terrified that everything is going to hurt him and lastly, I do not know what else to dream. 

Being a new parent is HARD. I know people have written books on this, and we read some of them, but the moment he was born, I remembered none of it. Initially I turned to social media for some advice until I realized people suck. The amount of conflicting “facts” on early childhood development is WILD!! I have no idea what to do sometimes, but when I don’t, it seems like Kaley always does. Her instincts are really strong and Campbell clearly favors her over all else. 

I AM A HELICOPTER PARENT. I never in a million years thought I would be, but the minute the doctor put that little boy in my arms, something changed in me. I stopped looking at life and things around me for the effects they could have on me and I started to look at how they could affect him. That causes multiple moments of panic everyday. I thought for sure this is how Kaley would be, but she handles things with a quiet confident and grace. I know she has fears on the inside, but to see her with him and the way she cares for him, you would swear she has been raising babies her whole life. 

I dreamed of being a dad since I was a kid. I had the kind of dad that made fatherhood very appealing and I love him so strongly and purely that I always wanted to be loved like that. Then our IVF journey took so long that it seemed like maybe it would never come true. Now I am a daddy and it is the greatest thing I have ever done. Campbell will forever be my greatest achievement, but some times I get sad because I don’t know what else to dream. That was until the other night. Campbell has been dealing with ear infections so he struggles at night. The other night he was fussing and I went to try and get him back to sleep, but Kaley was already there. I stopped short at the door and I saw her for what seemed like the first time. I saw her holding and comforting our son and I realized that my dream now is to grow old with this woman and enjoys the rest of this rollercoaster we call life. Maybe a sibling for Campbell? We will see, but for now I find all of the comfort and confidence I need because I know one thing. That is if I never provide Campbell with anything else in his life, I gave him the best momma that anyone could ever ask for. Today is her first Mother’s Day, but I will celebrate her all of my days!!

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas out there. I just want you to know, whether you are a step momma or a fur baby momma or an adopted momma or a godmother, I see you. This world would not go around without y’all.

I share this personal moment from my momma. The last night I lived in her house before I left to go to college, I was terrified. I did not know what was in store, but I knew that night I felt like the world was crashing down. My momma could sense it, got me to lay beside her and she held me, all 6’8”, 350lbs of me. In that moment, I knew I would be ok. That is what only mommas can do. 

Peace & Love,

Kirk