Stick Baby, Stick
Embryo #1
A few days ago, we had our third frozen embryo transfer. Our FET. Embryo #1 was our chosen embryo to transfer.
I have to say, I think this part of IVF is probably the easiest physically, yet the hardest mentally. The meds aren’t too bad. A few oral meds; a vaginal suppository, and one shot in the love handle area every few days. Don’t get me wrong, that PIO shot is tough and awkward to administer myself and hurts, but one shot every 3 days definitely beats multiple shots twice a day! These side effects are a bit tamer than my retrieval drugs, too. The hardest part is the Two Week Wait. The TWW is the time from when the transfer is performed until we find out if it worked. We literally just wait around for what feels like FOR-EV-ERRRRRR. At the end of the TWW, I’ll go in for bloodwork to check my Beta levels. Anything over 5 is considered pregnant. If that’s the case, then I’ll continue to go in every few days to make sure my Beta levels are doubling. If THAT is the case, then eventually, I’ll be scheduled for my first ultrasound, followed by a second ultrasound a few weeks later to check for a heartbeat! Eek!
Our first FET (Bravo) didn’t make it past the first beta check. Our second (Charlie) didn’t make it past the first ultrasound. To say my anxiety is all over the place would be an understatement. I’m excited. I’m nervous. I’m scared. I’m trying NOT to over-analyze every single side effect I’ve been experiencing. Keep in mind ALL of my medication side effects are the exact same as pregnancy side effects, which frankly, is just cruel & unusual punishment for an already pretty terrible journey.
For our Charlie FET, we announced we were preggers at 5weeks. And two short weeks later, we were having to tell everyone we lost the baby at 7weeks. Having a miscarriage was hard enough. Having to constantly say it out loud to those who hadn’t heard was down right brutal. I wanted to just hide from the world & heal in my own time. I didn’t want to talk about it. I absolutely HATED having to tell someone who just congratulated me on our bundle that we were no longer expecting.
Kirk & I have talked at length about how we’re going to handle the news for this FET. While we will know the outcome in about two weeks, we won’t be sharing that news with y’all for a few weeks after that. I’m not sure there’s a correct “marker” to go by. There’s still a possibility of us miscarrying again. It doesn’t matter if we make it through all the beta tests. It doesn’t matter if we make it through the first, the second, or even the twentieth ultrasound. There will always be a chance things could go wrong. But there’s also a chance things could finally go RIGHT.
We are kindly asking for some grace this go-round. We’re still healing from the loss of Baby Girl almost a year ago. Let us share the news, whatever those results may be, when we’re ready. But in the same breath, please know that all the love and support and surprise deliveries made the world of difference to us last year. We felt your prayers. We KNOW our tribe runs deep and that our pain is your pain, too. And we thank you for that.
I promise we won’t keep y’all in the dark forever… just for a few weeks longer than we did last time.
