Full Stop.

Ughhh. Ever feel like life is all about going 2 steps forward, only to be push back one step?! I feel like that's been our entire fertility journey so far. It should really come to no surprise that we've hit another snag in our game plan. Yet here I am: being extremely bitter & sad about the latest news.

Julie, one of the fertility nurses, called me this morning. She told me that I'm no longer immune to Rubella. Ok... Odds are that I was vaccinated for this as a kid and that the vaccination wore off over time. Lovely… Before they would continue treatment, I would need to be vaccinated again. Here’s the catch: I have to get the vaccination through my primary care physician AND I have to wait 30 days after receiving it to continue fertility treatment. Well, that’s inconvenient. So, I called my PCP and asked to be scheduled ASAP. We’re trying to make a baby here, folks! I’m told that I can’t schedule with my PCP until mid-February because he’s working strictly with COVID patients for the next 2 weeks. Fan-freaking-tastic. So, there goes treatment in February, followed by the 30 days wait period, & possibly treatment in March, too. FML.

Insert all the negative feelings: I’m angry. I’m sad. I’m bitter. I feel like precious time has been stolen from me. We wanted to start treatment in February. Now we’re looking at a 6 – 8 week delay. I wanted Kirk to be angry with me about this. Misery loves company, right? But he’s not angry. He’s cool, calm, & collected about the whole ordeal. (Sending him all my side-eyed looks.) As I vented to him through tears about my frustrations, he gently said “It’s all in God’s timing, bae.” Sure, that’s probably what I needed to hear, but it’s not what I wanted to hear.

I am trying my hardest to trust the process; trust HIS plan; to “joyfully wait” for things to happen in HIS time, but I feel like every time we get close, we get sent off course. It’s difficult to not let this affect me emotionally. I’m so tired of things not going the way I thought they should go. I know, I know – it’s God’s plan, not mine. How do I get a sneak peek into this plan???

I’m scheduled to see my PCP on February 17th. So now, we wait – joyfully, of course.