Goose Egg
Welp. We had a second egg retrieval last week. If you follow me on Insta, you know that we were able to get 6 eggs. We left the clinic feeling beaten, but not out. We had twice as many eggs for our first retrieval so we couldn’t help be feel disappointed in this outcome. Even Dr. Huber thought we’d have more. We prayed hard. We crossed our fingers. We got our first update: of the 6 eggs, 5 were mature. Of those 5, 3 fertilized. Ok, ok. We’re still not out. We prayed harder. We crossed our fingers AND toes. We waited for our next update. It wasn’t the update we wanted. None of our eggs made it to the Blastocyst stage.
None. Zero. Zilch. Nada.
An effing Goose Egg.
I’m heartbroken. I’m sad. I’m numb. And I’m angry. We’re roughly 2 years in the trenches of fertility treatments and what do we have to show for it? A LOT of heartache & almost $60,000 in debt. (well, closer to $45k in debt thanks to the awesomeness of our tribe & our GoFundMe. Can’t thank y’all enough for that help!) Yet still no baby. That makes me really freaking angry. And bitter. And jaded.
So now what? In short: we start over. Again. Well, first we have to figure out how to pay for the nearly $7,000 in medications and THEN we can schedule our next retrieval. As it turns out, my work schedule the next few months is not kind. After a long talk with Kirk & Dr. Huber, we’ve decided that we’ll start prepping around mid-December after my work trips are finished and we’ll have our next retrieval around mid-January. Sigh….
I know waiting until January is our best option. I know my work schedule is about to make me stressed AF. My brain is telling me that this is the right decision. But my heart, y’all. My heart wants to prep now. Retrieve now. Try this again right NOW. We know we can make embryos. We made 5 of them during our 1st round of IVF. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t have made any for the 2nd round. I know the 3rd round will be better. I just hate being pushed back. Again. But bless Kirk’s heart. He’s the more logical one in our marriage. He brought very valid points to the table. We all know that November & December are hard for me - mentally, emotionally, & physically. My diet’s out of whack. I don’t get good sleep or much of it. My workouts are scarce. None of that makes for a healthy environment to try and grow some eggs. Some GOOD eggs. Ok, fiiiiiiine. I hate it when he’s right. Ha!
So, we wait. Joyfully, of course. I’ll take the next few months to refocus. I’ll save all my nickles & dimes (maybe even try selling some feet pictures or something. Kidding. Sorta). I’ll enjoy getting back into the gym consistently & running again. I’ll drink a few beers. And with the new year, we’ll give it one more shot.
Third times a charm, right?
It just has to be.
