Tribes & Tribulations
Growing up, I was always taught to look for the good in every situation. “Find the silver lining,” if you will. And for the most part, I think I do a pretty good job of that. Then we started our fertility journey and every trick & trade I knew to search for that silver lining went out the window. Fertility treatment is hard, y’all. Downright HARD. There’s so much negativity with what feels like an endless cycle of drugs & disappointment. It’s super easy to slip into a not-so-good head space. Kirk & I have both been there. It’s a scary place to be, especially when you don’t even realize you’re there.
I struggled a lot with our third failed IUI. I felt like giving up. Why even go through all this turmoil if we still can’t get the result we want? I’m pretty sure I was depressed but didn’t want to acknowledge it. Acknowledging it meant it was real, so avoidance seemed like the healthy route to go. #Adulting Ha!
I always get nervous with each new cycle. Giving myself shots makes my anxiety bad. What if I mess this up? Am I even doing this right? Is it going to hurt as bad as last time? Why the heck do I bruise SO easily!? The schedule for our 4th IUI lined up perfectly for when Kirk was on the night shift at work. Lovely. He wasn’t going to be home for the two days I had to take my shots. On the outside, I was trying to play it cool, but on the inside: CODE RED - extreme panic mode.
Insert: my freaking awesome-sauce tribe of besties.
Quick sidenote: I am EXTREMELY blessed to have an amazing circle of besties, all of whom have been in my life for give or take the past 20+ years. I met one just out of diapers; others in college; and another is the wife of my momma’s best friend’s son who we accepted into our circle immediately. I know without a doubt in my soul that I would not be who I am today without these gals.
When I gave the girls the update on my shot schedule, I nonchalantly mentioned that since Kirk was working, I was going to have to do my trigger shot alone. It scared me, but this is the same shot I did on a public bathroom floor, so I knew I would be ok. One bestie offered to come over to be with me for the shot. Another offered to Facetime. The window of time to administer the shot was from 9:30p – 10p and I didn’t want to put anyone out that late, so we agreed on a group Facetime date. I called the first bestie and chatted about her evening while we waited for the others to join. When the rest joined, they were altogether, in one vehicle, IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE. They didn’t want to be intrusive, but they also didn’t want me to be alone.
::brb, drying my tears::
Obviously, I let them in. Then 4 of us crammed into my tiny bathroom, while still Facetiming the other bestie. I walked through all the steps of preparing the shot, discussed what happens next, and laughed with them. Within a few minutes, it was all over. I had administered my shot without too much pain. They calmed my nerves AND my heart. Take a look at the video and listen real close. You can hear us all hold our breath during the shot (and it’s probably the quietest we’ve ever been. Ever!).
I know I don’t tell the girls nearly enough how much they mean to me. Sure, they all know it, but I don’t SAY it enough. Having them show up at my house that night was their way to saying it to me. I got the message loud & clear. And I cried. Not because I’m sad, but because I’m so freaking thankful for these gals. They show up without me even asking. They check in with me when I need it the most. They never make me feel like I’m a burden. My heartaches are their heartaches. They laugh with me. They cry with me. They stand by as I give myself scary shots in the stomach. Best of all, they continue to joyfully wait with me.
I know one thing for sure: our future baby has the most kick-ass aunties around.
