Broken but Healing
It’s been 16 weeks since I’ve been to the gym consistently.
It’s been 11 weeks since my first D&C.
It’s been 7 weeks since my last run.
It’s been 4 weeks since my SECOND D&C.
But…
It’s also been 3 weeks since I met with a new therapist.
It’s been 2.5 weeks since I found a free peer-to-peer support group for Infertility. (I’ve added the site to my Resources page.)
It’s been 2 weeks since I was able to get back into the gym.
This summer has been downright HARD. I had my second FET. I got my first ever BFP. I had a miscarriage. I had a D&C and then had to do another D&C - that I was freaking AWAKE for! I was approved to ease back into running and within minutes of my first run I rolled my ankle, completely wiped out on the sidewalk, and then proceeded to pass out from an anxiety attack. Battle wounds from that fall included but are not limited to: a sprained ankle, a busted lip (inside & out), bruises along the side of my face, a gnarly skinned knee, a shattered Apple Watch, & a hurt ego.
Pics for sympathy:
It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything’s fine.
Well, everything’s fine NOW. My tumble with the sidewalk was not how I planned to spend my 10th wedding anniversary weekend. It also wasn’t the delay back into the working out that I wanted either. Like I said, this summer’s been a doozy.
After my first D&C in the beginning of June, I went into the clinic about every 10 days to check my hCG levels (the pregnancy hormone). By early August, my body still thought I was preggers. Dr. Huber gave us a choice: I can either do another D&C or continue to wait for this number to drop. At this point, I was at my wit’s end. I was exhausted. I was tired of going into the clinic only to be told that my body is still holding on to the baby we once had. It was a constant reminder of my heartache. I decided to do another D&C. Fun Fact: I had to be awake for this one. #shityounot #itsucked It was not as bad as my ERA, but it was damn close. A week later, my levels were FINALLY where they needed to be. #Hallelujah
My Summer Silver lining: I’m healing; mentally, physically, & emotionally. My lip & knee have scarred, my ankle is still swollen & sprained, but I’m back in the gym. I still tear up when I think about Baby Girl, but I’m no longer in a constant state of sadness. After what felt like 750 trips to the clinic all summer for labs & scans, I’ve finally been given the green light to start the prep for our next steps.
I start oral meds this week for our next egg retrieval (or as Kirk calls it, extraction), which should be some time in late September, early October.
I’m happy to be moving forward. I’m relieved my body is back on the same page as my mind & heart. I’m grateful for all the love & support y’all have shown us during this dark & very trying chapter.
Next up: lots of drugs! Who’s ready for all the crazy side effects?! Ha. But seriously, y’all pray for Kirk. These meds are NOT kind to my body, which make me not always kind to the hubs.
